{"title":"Shit Show Bar Gear","description":"\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e🍸 Bar Accessories — Chaos on Tap 🍸\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWelcome to Bar Accessories — Chaos on Tap, where every drink-making tool gets the accidental fabulous treatment. This isn’t your boring kitchen junk drawer stuff — we’re talking handcrafted and quirky pieces that turn your bar cart into a party that never left the house. From beaded wine stops and funky bottle openers to bold coasters and vibe-loaded drink markers, this collection elevates every gulp, sip, clink, and spill with flair.\u003cspan class=\"Apple-converted-space\"\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWhether you’re popping bottles or just pretending you know how to mix a cocktail, these pieces bring:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan\u003eFunction with personality — actual useful bar tools that don’t behave.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan\u003eStyle you can feel — tops that make bottles look jealous, coasters that judge your water rings, and markers that make glass identification dramatic.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan\u003eConversation starters — because someone’s gonna ask “Where did that come from?” mid-drink. \u003cspan class=\"Apple-converted-space\"\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHandmade, vibrant, and unapologetically extra.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eIf normal bar stuff is canceled and chaos is the new chic, this collection is your bartending anthem.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eDrink. Accessorize. Dominate.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","products":[{"product_id":"beaded-bottle-opener","title":"Pop the Top Patriot — Beaded Bottle Opener","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eCrack open your drink with a little red, white, and “don’t touch my bottle.” This beaded metal bottle opener brings veteran-inspired style, sturdy function, and just enough attitude to make your bar cart look like it has its life together.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003ePerfect for gifting, collecting, or opening beverages like a responsible adult with questionable supervision.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Functional Dysfunctional Shit Show","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":45175479894205,"sku":null,"price":14.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0704\/5532\/8957\/files\/392FB454-8C56-4273-9EB5-112B89ECAA3C.png?v=1750996402"},{"product_id":"mechanic-bottle-opener","title":"Grease Monkey Bottle Popper","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eBuilt for the mechanic, garage goblin, car lover, or anyone who thinks “just one quick fix” means three hours and a missing socket.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThis beaded mechanic bottle opener brings tool-box energy to bottle-popping chaos. Durable, useful, and way more fun than whatever boring opener is hiding in your junk drawer.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003ePerfect for garages, man caves, bar carts, mechanic gifts, Father’s Day, birthdays, or anyone who smells faintly like motor oil and bad decisions.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Functional Dysfunctional Shit Show","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":45175483007165,"sku":null,"price":14.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0704\/5532\/8957\/files\/6C69CF6E-33C7-48F9-8D7D-0DF6F7071FA8.jpg?v=1750996436"},{"product_id":"beaded-bottle-opener-1","title":"Pop the Top \u0026 Mind Your Business — Beaded Bottle Opener","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThis beaded bottle opener is here to do one job: crack open your drink and look ridiculously cute doing it.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHandmade with a unique beaded design, it adds a little personality to your bar cart, kitchen drawer, party setup, or “I definitely only had one” situation. Functional, fun, and way less boring than that sad plain opener hiding in the junk drawer.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003ePerfect for gifts, home bars, cookouts, hostess gifts, or anyone who likes their bottle opener with a little extra chaos.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Functional Dysfunctional Shit Show","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":45175483171005,"sku":null,"price":14.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0704\/5532\/8957\/files\/29F2038B-01DA-4AF4-9BEE-F6085ECF4952.jpg?v=1750996601"},{"product_id":"golf-bottle-opener","title":"Fairway Fizz Fixer — Golf Bottle Opener","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eFor the golfer who swings hard, misses harder, and still deserves a cold one.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThis golf-themed beaded bottle opener brings clubhouse chaos, backyard BBQ energy, and “I totally meant to do that” confidence to every bottle pop. Handmade, fun, functional, and ready to rescue your drink after 18 holes of emotional damage.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003ePerfect for golfers, golf dads, beer lovers, tournament gifts, and anyone whose short game needs therapy.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Functional Dysfunctional Shit Show","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":45175489691837,"sku":null,"price":14.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0704\/5532\/8957\/files\/6414A158-C8C7-466A-A2FB-013FFD0699D3.jpg?v=1750996796"},{"product_id":"baby-cow-beaded-bottle-opener","title":"Moo Juice Mayhem — Baby Cow Bottle Opener","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eCute, chaotic, and ready to crack open your emotional support beverage. This baby cow beaded bottle opener brings farmhouse adorable with a side of bar-cart nonsense.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003ePerfect for kitchens, bars, parties, gifts, or anyone who thinks “moo” is a personality trait.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHandmade, functional, and full of tiny cow-powered chaos.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Functional Dysfunctional Shit Show","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":45175492772029,"sku":null,"price":14.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0704\/5532\/8957\/files\/9D4196B5-CBD5-45C3-9F5D-BB493CD4B204.jpg?v=1750996936"},{"product_id":"clover-beaded-bottle-opener","title":"Lucky Little Bottle Goblin — Clover Beaded Opener","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003ePop bottles with a little luck and a lot of attitude. This clover beaded bottle opener brings Irish charm, bar cart chaos, and just enough “don’t test me” energy to every drink situation.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eCute? Yes. Functional? Absolutely. Emotionally stable? Let’s not ruin the vibe.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003ePerfect for home bars, party nights, St. Patrick’s Day gifts, or anyone who believes luck works better with a bottle opener in hand.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Functional Dysfunctional Shit Show","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":45175497294013,"sku":null,"price":14.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0704\/5532\/8957\/files\/7375248B-D6A6-426F-873F-A7138C8D36E3.jpg?v=1750997139"},{"product_id":"mixer-beaded-cork-screw","title":"Sip Happens Mixer Corkscrew","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eFor the person who opens wine like they’re hosting a classy event… while absolutely winging it.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThis handmade beaded corkscrew brings a fun little mixer charm vibe to your bar cart, kitchen drawer, or “emergency beverage tools” collection. Cute, chaotic, and ready to twist its way into your next questionable decision.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003ePerfect for wine lovers, cocktail chaos coordinators, party hosts, and anyone who believes the bottle should open before the drama does.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Functional Dysfunctional Shit Show","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":45175873110205,"sku":null,"price":16.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0704\/5532\/8957\/files\/7D5505A2-EFB9-4515-B69E-B7F094223CD7.jpg?v=1751029858"},{"product_id":"luck-of-the-irish-cork-screw","title":"Lucky Little Cork Goblin","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003ePop bottles like you’ve got Irish luck and questionable impulse control. This corkscrew features a festive green top hat charm, making it perfect for St. Patrick’s Day, bar carts, wine nights, party favors, or anyone who likes their bottle openers with a little chaotic charm.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSmall, useful, and ready to rescue your wine from captivity.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Functional Dysfunctional Shit Show","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":45176194138301,"sku":null,"price":16.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0704\/5532\/8957\/files\/29FFD38A-30A2-4DAB-B794-2F7F72A67749.jpg?v=1751041784"},{"product_id":"company-logo-corkscrew","title":"Official Chaos Corkscrew — FDSS Edition","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003ePop bottles with the official Functional Dysfunctional Shit Show corkscrew, because even your wine deserves a little handmade chaos. Featuring the FDSS logo bead, this corkscrew is equal parts useful, weirdly fabulous, and completely on brand.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003ePerfect for wine lovers, gift baskets, bar carts, or anyone who opens bottles like they’re emotionally preparing for a group text.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Functional Dysfunctional Shit Show","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":45176194433213,"sku":null,"price":12.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0704\/5532\/8957\/files\/8F2A4B54-48D2-4025-98D9-6ED019719232.jpg?v=1751041920"},{"product_id":"fluent-sarcasm-corkscrew","title":"Sip Happens Corkscrew — Fluent in Sarcasm Edition","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003ePop bottles with attitude. This beaded corkscrew is for the wine lover who speaks fluent sarcasm, pours generously, and has absolutely no time for boring bar tools.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003ePerfect for gifts, girls’ night, kitchen chaos, bar carts, and anyone whose love language is wine with a side of smart-ass.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHandmade, functional, and just unhinged enough to belong here.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Functional Dysfunctional Shit Show","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":45176195711165,"sku":null,"price":16.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0704\/5532\/8957\/files\/9DB2C792-D202-4CB7-8FF1-185DBEE9F4B4.jpg?v=1751042063"},{"product_id":"emergency-room-nurse-corkscrew","title":"Emergency Room Wine Rescue Corkscrew","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eFor the nurse who saves lives, survives chaos, and still deserves a glass of wine when the shift finally taps out.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThis handmade beaded corkscrew brings ER energy straight to your bar cart with a fun nurse-themed design that says, “I handled worse than this bottle.” Perfect for nurses, healthcare workers, wine lovers, or anyone whose coping skills include uncorking something dramatic.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eGreat as a gift for ER nurses, nursing students, coworkers, or the medical chaos queen in your life.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Functional Dysfunctional Shit Show","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":45176757256381,"sku":null,"price":12.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0704\/5532\/8957\/files\/743098D3-A18D-4B5D-8EE3-ABA833380B66.jpg?v=1751073155"},{"product_id":"horse-lover-corkscrew","title":"Stable Chaos Corkscrew — Horse Lover Edition","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eFor the wine drinker who loves horses, barn energy, and opening bottles without turning it into a full rodeo disaster. This horse lover corkscrew is cute, functional, and ready to save your wine night from tragic cork-related nonsense.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003ePerfect for horse moms, equine addicts, wine lovers, and anyone whose personality is half “stable life” and half “pour me a glass before I lose it.”\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Functional Dysfunctional Shit Show","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":45176757387453,"sku":null,"price":12.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0704\/5532\/8957\/files\/689E1A42-A3EA-448E-8BF9-97BF3EE66D90.jpg?v=1751073299"},{"product_id":"beaded-wine-stop","title":"Beaded Booze Plug — Fancy Chaos Edition","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThis handmade beaded wine stopper is here to keep your wine fresh while looking way more dramatic than necessary. Cute, functional, and just chaotic enough to belong in your kitchen, bar cart, or “I deserve this” drawer.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003ePerfect for wine lovers, party hosts, gift baskets, and anyone who believes even an open bottle deserves accessories.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Functional Dysfunctional Shit Show","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":45176758042813,"sku":null,"price":12.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0704\/5532\/8957\/files\/255E4D49-BB65-4ACE-9840-A5AEB533DC2C.jpg?v=1751073481"},{"product_id":"flower-beaded-wine-stop","title":"Blooming Booze Plug — Flower Beaded Wine Stopper","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eBecause even your half-finished bottle deserves a little floral drama.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThis handmade flower beaded wine stopper brings cute, chaotic energy to your bar cart, kitchen counter, or “I’ll just have one glass” situation. Finished with decorative beads and a floral vibe, it keeps your bottle closed while looking way too adorable for something whose job is basically “cork replacement with attitude.”\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003ePerfect for wine lovers, gift baskets, bar accessories, hostess gifts, or anyone who likes their drinkware with a little handmade personality.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Functional Dysfunctional Shit Show","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":45176758239421,"sku":null,"price":11.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0704\/5532\/8957\/files\/918BC9FA-1FE2-490A-885B-6D20E7C82D75.jpg?v=1751073652"},{"product_id":"flower-beaded-wine-stop-1","title":"Bloom \u0026 Booze Beaded Wine Stopper","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eBecause your wine deserves a floral little drama queen. This handmade beaded wine stopper brings pretty flower energy with just enough FDSS attitude to keep your bottle sealed and your chaos contained.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003ePerfect for wine lovers, gift baskets, bar carts, or anyone who says “just one glass” and lies professionally.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Functional Dysfunctional Shit Show","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":45176763121853,"sku":null,"price":11.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0704\/5532\/8957\/files\/D86703B4-2ADF-4698-9DEA-8395F6292CCA.jpg?v=1751073885"},{"product_id":"company-logo-wine-stop","title":"Official Chaos Cork — FDSS Edition","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHandmade chaos, now sealing your bad decisions.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThe Official Chaos Cork — FDSS Edition isn’t just a wine stopper… it’s a whole personality. Featuring the FDSS logo, this piece turns your “I’ll save this for later” into something way more on brand.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003ePerfect for half-finished bottles, last-minute guests, or nights that started classy and ended… not.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eEach one is handmade, meaning no two are exactly alike—just like your life choices.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eUse it. Gift it. Judge your wine with it.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eDetails:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHandmade \u0026amp; one-of-a-kind\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan\u003eFeatures FDSS logo design\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan\u003eFits standard wine bottles\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan\u003eFunctional + chaotic (our favorite combo)\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e⚠️ Warning: May encourage “just one more glass.”\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Functional Dysfunctional Shit Show","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":45176763416765,"sku":null,"price":12.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0704\/5532\/8957\/files\/C57F693E-38C7-4E15-8051-2D765F2C5D41.jpg?v=1751074036"},{"product_id":"beaded-fox-wine-stop","title":"Sly Little Fox Wine Stopper (Seals It… Probably Better Than Your Decisions)","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eMeet the \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSly Little Fox\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e—your new drinking buddy who actually keeps things under control. This handmade beaded wine stopper slides in smooth, seals your bottle tight, and silently judges every “just one more glass” decision you make.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eEach piece is one-of-a-kind, because mass-produced chaos isn’t our thing. 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