{"title":"Shop the Shit Show","description":null,"products":[{"product_id":"heart-trinket-dish","title":"Heartbreaker Trinket Dish – Cute, Chaotic, \u0026 Holds Your Sh*t Together","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSmall? Yes.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eBasic? Absolutely not.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThis Heart Trinket Dish is here to hold your rings, earrings, keys, or whatever tiny chaos you keep losing on a daily basis. It’s cute enough to fool people into thinking you’ve got your life together… even if you don’t.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHandmade with attitude and built to last, each piece has its own vibe—no mass-produced boring nonsense here.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003ePerfect for:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan\u003eJewelry you swear you won’t lose again\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan\u003eNightstand chaos control\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan\u003eA “look how put together I am” aesthetic\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan\u003eGifting to someone who loves cute things with a little edge\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e⚠️ Warning: May cause compliments, jealousy, and sudden urges to reorganize your life.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Functional Dysfunctional Shit Show","offers":[{"title":"Emotionally Flooded Heart Dish (feelings? yeah, all of them. at once.)","offer_id":45129746186429,"sku":null,"price":9.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Numb But Thriving (can’t feel it, still functioning somehow)","offer_id":45129746219197,"sku":null,"price":9.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Toxic Calm Heart Dish (looks peaceful… absolutely is not)","offer_id":45129746251965,"sku":null,"price":9.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0704\/5532\/8957\/files\/21A60106-27A2-40F4-B342-B6825D2EB512.jpg?v=1749084176"},{"product_id":"paw-print-ashtray","title":"“Emotional Support Ashtray (Paw-sitively Unhinged Edition)”","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003eCan be custom ordered in any color.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThis isn’t just an ashtray… this is your new favorite bad decision holder 🐾🔥\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHandcrafted in true Functional Dysfunctional Shit Show fashion, this paw print ashtray is serving chaotic energy with a side of “don’t judge me.” The black and white swirl design hits like your mood swings—unpredictable, dramatic, and kinda mesmerizing.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003ePerfect for:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan\u003eLate night spirals\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan\u003e“I said I’d quit” moments\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan\u003eLooking cute while making questionable choices\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eEach piece is handmade, meaning no two are exactly alike—just like your coping mechanisms.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e⚠️ Warning: May attract compliments and poor decisions.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Functional Dysfunctional Shit Show","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":45129902457021,"sku":null,"price":27.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0704\/5532\/8957\/files\/8BCDAF1D-8698-4C88-8259-57CB9354CF0D.jpg?v=1749094745"},{"product_id":"double-heart-trinket-box","title":"Double Heart Trinket Box – Sweet, Petty \u0026 Slightly Unhinged","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eFor the person whose heart comes in pairs and problems come in bulk. This handmade double heart trinket box is perfect for storing jewelry, keepsakes, and the tiny pretty pieces of your ongoing shit show. Custom colors available.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eDetails:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHandmade with epoxy resin\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan\u003eDouble heart design\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan\u003eGreat for jewelry, trinkets, and small keepsakes\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan\u003eCustom color options available\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan\u003eOne-of-a-kind FDSS energy\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Functional Dysfunctional Shit Show","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":45130221420733,"sku":null,"price":24.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0704\/5532\/8957\/files\/3124323F-EDC7-4DBD-9767-3D17676C893C.jpg?v=1749114345"},{"product_id":"square-resin-ashtray","title":"Square Resin Ashtray – Loud, Petty \u0026 Ready for Smoke","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThis square resin ashtray showed up loud, bold, and fully committed to judging your life choices in orange and purple. Handmade with major attitude, it adds a punch of chaos to your smoke setup without sacrificing function.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eCute? Yes. Practical? Also yes. Mentally stable? Absolutely not.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003ePerfect for anyone who likes their accessories bright, weird, and a little disrespectful. Whether it lives on your table, patio, or smoke corner of shame, this piece brings color, personality, and just enough drama to keep things interesting.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWhy it slaps:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHandmade resin design\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan\u003eBold orange and purple color combo\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan\u003eFunctional square shape\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan\u003eGreat for smoking setups, gift giving, or chaotic decor\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan\u003eOne-of-a-kind FDSS energy\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Functional Dysfunctional Shit Show","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":45163653365949,"sku":null,"price":16.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0704\/5532\/8957\/files\/6CAE4018-B8C8-4A56-AF1C-3E72C0C4D1CB.jpg?v=1750530581"},{"product_id":"square-resin-ashtray-1","title":"Ice Cold Bad Decisions Square Ashtray","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThis square resin ashtray came to look pretty and judge your life choices in silence.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHandmade in an icy blue shade with black foil mixed in, this piece brings just enough chaos to your table, shelf, smoke spot, or wherever your bad ideas like to gather. It is functional, eye-catching, and a little too pretty to be stuck doing ash duty, but here we are.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003ePerfect for smokers, collectors, or anyone who likes their decor with a side of unhinged energy.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eFeatures:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHandmade resin ashtray\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSquare shape\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan\u003eIce blue color with black foil accents\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan\u003eFunctional decor with one-of-a-kind attitude\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan\u003eGreat for smoke spaces, gifts, or collectible display\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Functional Dysfunctional Shit Show","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":45163659952317,"sku":null,"price":16.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0704\/5532\/8957\/files\/0C093809-B84B-4369-B09E-676C41DF729B.jpg?v=1750530954"},{"product_id":"resin-rose-bowl","title":"Pretty, Petty \u0026 Poured | Handmade Resin Rose Bowl 🌹","description":"\u003cp\u003eShe looks sweet. She looks romantic. She looks like she has her life together.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThat’s adorable.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThis handmade resin rose bowl is what happens when pretty colors, swirling resin, and absolutely no interest in being ordinary get poured into one fabulously dramatic little piece.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThe rose-inspired shape gives her the romance. The one-of-a-kind resin pour gives her the chaos. Together? \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eVery FDSS.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eUse her to hold jewelry, keys, crystals, wrapped candy, little treasures, or all those random things you swear you’re going to put somewhere “safe” and then immediately forget about.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eBecause this is individually poured by hand, the colors, swirls, patterns, tiny bubbles, and other perfectly imperfect details are part of what makes this piece completely unique. \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThere will never be another one exactly like it.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e🌹 Handmade resin pour\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e🌹 Rose-shaped decorative bowl\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e🌹 One-of-a-kind color and pattern\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e🌹 Great for jewelry, trinkets, keys \u0026amp; small treasures\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e🌹 Handmade by Functional Dysfunctional Shit Show\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHer story:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eShe was supposed to become something delicate and romantic.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThen the resin started swirling.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThings got dramatic.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eAnd somewhere between \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eelegant rose\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e and \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003ebeautiful little shit show\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e, she decided perfection was boring anyway.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eFunctional. Dysfunctional. Pretty as hell.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWelcome to the Shit Show. 🌹\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Functional Dysfunctional Shit Show","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":45163680366781,"sku":null,"price":24.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0704\/5532\/8957\/files\/95A10166-F67C-4092-B5C8-0D0FF147075C.png?v=1751235619"},{"product_id":"resin-rose-bowl-1","title":"Stop \u0026 Smell the Chaos | Handmade Resin Rose Bowl","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eShe was supposed to be delicate.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSoft pink. Burgundy roses. A few green leaves. The kind of bowl that sits quietly on a dresser holding jewelry and minding its own damn business.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThen the resin started pouring.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eAnd somewhere between \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eromantic little rose garden\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e and \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003ebeautifully controlled chaos\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e, she became this.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eStop \u0026amp; Smell the Chaos is a handmade resin-pour bowl created entirely from poured resin, with gorgeous rose details suspended inside. The soft pink and deep burgundy give her that sweet, vintage-floral look—until you remember she came from the Functional Dysfunctional Shit Show, so obviously there had to be a little chaos involved.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eUse her for rings, earrings, keys, little treasures, or all the random shit you swear you’re going to put somewhere safe and then immediately forget about.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e🌹 The Details\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHandmade resin-pour bowl\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan\u003ePink, burgundy \u0026amp; green rose design\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan\u003eCreated entirely from poured resin\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan\u003eOne-of-a-kind handmade piece\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan\u003ePerfect as a trinket, jewelry or catch-all bowl\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan\u003eDecorative use recommended\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eBecause sometimes you really should stop and smell the roses.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eEven when they’re trapped in resin because apparently that’s how we garden around here.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eFDSS — Finding the humor in life’s chaos.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Functional Dysfunctional Shit Show","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":45163704123581,"sku":null,"price":24.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0704\/5532\/8957\/files\/68CF9606-2383-4703-AAA4-9EEE950A294A.jpg?v=1750533358"},{"product_id":"painted-sealed-drinking-glass-set","title":"“Sip Your Chaos – Hand-Painted Sealed Drinking Glass Set”","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eNot your grandma’s glassware.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThis is what happens when chaos gets sealed in epoxy and handed a drink.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eEach glass is hand-painted, sealed, and completely one-of-a-kind—no repeats, no duplicates, no “oops I’ll just order another.” Once it’s gone… yeah, it’s gone.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWhether you’re sipping water, wine, or whatever life threw at you today, these glasses turn every drink into a whole personality.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e✨ Why you need these:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan\u003e🎨 Hand-painted = no two are the same\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan\u003e💎 Sealed for durability + shine\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan\u003e🖐️ Made by hand, not a factory\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan\u003e🚨 Limited pieces – no restocks on identical designs\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e⚠️ FDSS Reality Check:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eYou’re not buying a glass.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eYou’re buying a vibe… with hydration.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Functional Dysfunctional Shit Show","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":45163705860285,"sku":null,"price":59.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0704\/5532\/8957\/files\/85CED7A8-189C-4ABE-9D03-7602826E2744.png?v=1751235522"},{"product_id":"tall-slim-vase","title":"Tall, Dark \u0026 Slightly Unstable Vase","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eTall, slim, and clearly too pretty to have a stable personality. This hand-painted vase brings together green, black, and white in a sleek little chaos tower that knows how to steal attention without begging for it. Sealed with resin and made as a one-of-a-kind piece, it is perfect for adding a little dramatic elegance to your space without looking like you tried too hard.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eBecause normal decor is boring.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Functional Dysfunctional Shit Show","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":45163718934717,"sku":null,"price":24.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0704\/5532\/8957\/files\/2BFDCCF2-0675-4588-99CE-63DCAE8835CA.png?v=1751235358"},{"product_id":"tall-slender-vase","title":"Tall, Slender \u0026 Slightly Unstable Vase","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eNot every vase was made to sit quietly in the corner and behave. This one showed up tall, dramatic, and ready to steal attention from literally everything else in the room.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHand-painted in a bold mix of purple, green, black, and white, this tall slender vase is sealed in resin for a glossy finish that helps lock in the chaos. It looks just as good holding flowers as it does standing alone like the decorative diva it is.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003ePerfect for anyone whose home decor leans a little less “minimalist calm” and a little more “beautifully unhinged.”\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eDetails:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHand-painted one of a kind design\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan\u003ePurple, green, black, and white color palette\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSealed with resin for lasting shine\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan\u003eGreat for flowers or display decor\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHandmade with attitude\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Functional Dysfunctional Shit Show","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":45163719426237,"sku":null,"price":24.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0704\/5532\/8957\/files\/668FE473-3B0D-4B41-BC14-290B4BF7C2AD.png?v=1751235141"},{"product_id":"paint-poured-glass-vase-of-control-paint-poured-glass-vase","title":"Paint-Poured Glass Vase of Controlled Chaos","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eNot your grandma’s vase.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThis handcrafted glass vase got hit with a paint pour mood swing and sealed in epoxy resin so the chaos stays gorgeous. It’s bold, glossy, one-of-a-kind, and fully committed to being the main character in whatever room you drop it in.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003ePerfect for flowers, display, or just sitting there looking prettier than everything around it. No two are exactly alike, because basic behavior is not allowed here.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHand wash only\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Functional Dysfunctional Shit Show","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":45167547777213,"sku":null,"price":49.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0704\/5532\/8957\/files\/817DDC7D-E5F7-46AA-87AD-B20D4381EF44.png?v=1751235088"},{"product_id":"blue-purple-glass-vase","title":"Blue \u0026 Purple Mood Swing Vase","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThis vase did not come here to be calm.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eIt came here to spiral beautifully.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSwirling in blue and purple like a full-blown mood swing, this handmade glass vase is what happens when “inner peace” is canceled and chaos takes over. Sealed with epoxy resin so it can keep its shit together better than most of us, it’s built to last—even if your sanity isn’t.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eUse it for flowers, or don’t.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eIt’ll still sit there looking like it’s judging your life choices.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eEach piece is one-of-a-kind, just like your questionable decisions.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHand wash only.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Functional Dysfunctional Shit Show","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":45167550660797,"sku":null,"price":53.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0704\/5532\/8957\/files\/2C42C5F9-FD3D-4E00-B343-B22372BBE6DC.png?v=1751235009"},{"product_id":"large-glass-vase","title":"Large Glass Vase – Pretty, Loud \u0026 Slightly Unstable","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eNot every vase was born to sit quietly in the corner and behave. This large glass vase came to be seen. Hand-painted and sealed with epoxy resin, it brings bold color, glossy attitude, and just the right amount of chaos to your space. It looks killer with flowers, but let’s be honest, it does not need them. This thing is the main character all by itself.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003ePerfect for shelves, tables, desks, or anywhere that could use a little more personality and a lot less boring. One of a kind, handmade, and impossible to ignore.\u003cspan class=\"Apple-converted-space\"\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Functional Dysfunctional Shit Show","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":45167552692413,"sku":null,"price":69.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0704\/5532\/8957\/files\/384D330F-2799-4BFB-B0A2-804E080B6BC4.png?v=1751234759"},{"product_id":"tall-glass-vase","title":"Tall Glass Vase – Pretty, Dramatic \u0026 Slightly Unstable","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eFor the people who like their decor the same way they like their life—tall, colorful, chaotic, and impossible to ignore.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThis hand-finished tall glass vase features a bold paint-poured design and is sealed with epoxy resin for a glossy, durable finish. It’s the kind of piece that doesn’t sit quietly in the corner pretending to be subtle. It shows up, steals attention, and makes your shelf look like it has better taste than most people.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003ePerfect for adding a little beautiful dysfunction to your space, whether you use it as a vase or let it stand there looking expensive and emotionally unavailable.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWhy it slaps:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan\u003eTall shape for extra drama\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan\u003ePaint-poured design, so no two are exactly alike\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSealed finish for shine and durability\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\u003cspan\u003eFunctional decor with a full-blown personality disorder\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Functional Dysfunctional Shit Show","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":45167556985021,"sku":null,"price":57.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0704\/5532\/8957\/files\/CCA5A6CC-6C9B-43E8-8221-7E993A0CFE7F.png?v=1751230978"},{"product_id":"black-yellow-glass-vase","title":"Black \u0026 Yellow Glass Vase – Bold Chaos in a Bottle","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eNot every vase was made to sit quietly and behave.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThis black and yellow glass vase came here to stir up the room a little. Hand-painted with a bold poured design and sealed in epoxy resin, it’s equal parts home decor and controlled attitude. Whether you use it for flowers or let it stand on its own, this piece brings loud energy without saying a word.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eBecause boring decor is a disease.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Functional Dysfunctional Shit Show","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":45167564226749,"sku":null,"price":63.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0704\/5532\/8957\/files\/6137D508-B406-4C7C-B541-584CC6AD9BB6.png?v=1751230895"},{"product_id":"tall-cylinder-glass-vase","title":"Toxic Elegance Tall Cylinder Vase","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eNot every vase was made to sit quietly and behave.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThis tall cylinder glass vase comes dripping in green, black, and yellow chaos, sealed with epoxy resin to lock in the attitude. It’s bold, moody, and just unstable-looking enough to make your flowers feel like they’re in excellent company.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003ePerfect as a statement piece, a conversation starter, or a classy little warning sign for anyone who mistakes your decor for boring. Handmade, one-of-a-kind, and impossible to ignore.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWhy it hits:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan class=\"Apple-tab-span\"\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e•\u003cspan class=\"Apple-tab-span\"\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eTall cylinder glass vase\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan class=\"Apple-tab-span\"\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e•\u003cspan class=\"Apple-tab-span\"\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eGreen, black, and yellow abstract design\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan class=\"Apple-tab-span\"\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e•\u003cspan class=\"Apple-tab-span\"\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eSealed with epoxy resin\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan class=\"Apple-tab-span\"\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e•\u003cspan class=\"Apple-tab-span\"\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eHandmade and one of a kind\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cspan class=\"Apple-tab-span\"\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e•\u003cspan class=\"Apple-tab-span\"\u003e \u003c\/span\u003eStrong standalone decor piece or floral display\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Functional Dysfunctional Shit Show","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":45167570059453,"sku":null,"price":47.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0704\/5532\/8957\/files\/6E76D767-2F8E-4659-BD39-2231E165BD39.png?v=1751230657"},{"product_id":"stemless-wine-glass","title":"#1 Blue Moon Meltdown Stemless Wine Glass","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThis blue and silver stemless wine glass is serving classy chaos with a side of “don’t touch my drink.” Handcrafted with food-safe epoxy resin, it’s durable, glossy, and dramatic enough to make boxed wine feel emotionally expensive.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eOne-of-a-kind. Handmade. Slightly unhinged. Very sippable.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Functional Dysfunctional Shit Show","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":45167577006269,"sku":null,"price":22.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0704\/5532\/8957\/files\/5A037C49-5626-4F34-B9F4-8D84B45E0D76.png?v=1751230528"},{"product_id":"stemless-wine-glass-1","title":"Red \u0026 Blue Sip Show Stemless Wine Glass","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThis stemless wine glass showed up dressed in red and blue chaos and absolutely refuses to be boring.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHandcrafted with a bold paint-pour style design and sealed with food-safe epoxy resin, this one-of-a-kind glass is perfect for wine, cocktails, mocktails, or whatever emotional support beverage is getting you through the day.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Functional Dysfunctional Shit Show","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":45167587655869,"sku":null,"price":22.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0704\/5532\/8957\/files\/F531A5B7-B7E4-44D4-ADBC-2C5FB1451AFB.png?v=1751230428"},{"product_id":"drinking-glass","title":"#1 Pilsner Panic Glass","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThis handmade pilsner drinking glass is here to make your beverage look like it has its life together, even if you absolutely do not.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHand-poured and sealed with epoxy resin, this glass brings durable chaos, glossy attitude, and one-of-a-kind FDSS energy to beer, soda, cocktails, or whatever emotional support liquid is on the menu.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSip fancy. Spiral responsibly.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Functional Dysfunctional Shit Show","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":45168767500477,"sku":null,"price":33.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0704\/5532\/8957\/files\/DB78FFD3-BDA8-43DB-88BF-F806D538B877.png?v=1751230348"},{"product_id":"2pc-set-of-wine-glasses","title":"The Dysfunctional Date Night Set","description":"\u003cp\u003eBecause drinking alone is classy… but spiraling together is a bonding experience.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis handmade 2pc wine glass set was created for couples, best friends, roommates, or that one person who always says “just one glass” before the chaos starts. Each glass features unique paint-pour style artwork sealed for a glossy finish that turns every sip into a full-blown event.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo two sets are exactly alike because apparently even the cups in this house have personality disorders.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePerfect for:\u003cbr\u003e• Date nights \u003cbr\u003e• Girls night disasters \u003cbr\u003e• Wine-fueled life discussions \u003cbr\u003e• “I survived today” celebrations \u003cbr\u003e• Gifts for your favorite chaotic human\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHandmade chaos starts here.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Functional Dysfunctional Shit Show","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":45168769827005,"sku":null,"price":58.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0704\/5532\/8957\/files\/0C3C7A1F-9C82-41B7-B68D-2A9F77A222A9.png?v=1751230308"},{"product_id":"drinking-glass-1","title":"Mermaid Meltdown Drinking Glass","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThis handmade drinking glass is serving blue, green, and turquoise chaos like a mermaid had a full emotional breakdown and somehow made it beautiful.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003ePaint-poured by hand and sealed with food-safe epoxy resin, this one-of-a-kind glass turns your drink into a whole damn mood. Perfect for iced coffee, cocktails, mocktails, water, or whatever keeps your shit show hydrated.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Functional Dysfunctional Shit Show","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":45168770842813,"sku":null,"price":24.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0704\/5532\/8957\/files\/9199A2DE-2C15-41D4-B388-1EACA8CEE8D3.png?v=1751230249"},{"product_id":"drinking-glass-2","title":"Pink Panic Sip Glass","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eMeet the \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003ePink Panic Sip Glass\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e — a handmade paint poured drinking glass sealed with epoxy resin because apparently even hydration needed a dramatic meltdown.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eBright, bold, glossy, and absolutely not here to be boring, this one-of-a-kind glass turns every drink into a tiny chaos ceremony. Perfect for iced coffee, cocktails, mocktails, soda, or whatever emotional support beverage is getting you through the day.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Functional Dysfunctional Shit Show","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":45168772317373,"sku":null,"price":24.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0704\/5532\/8957\/files\/866167C2-B313-441F-9D91-DF05ECF031C5.png?v=1751230174"},{"product_id":"drinking-glass-3","title":"Candy Chaos Drinking Glass","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThis pink, red, and white paint-poured drinking glass is what happens when sweet meets slightly unhinged. Sealed with food-safe epoxy resin, it brings bold color, glossy chaos, and one-of-a-kind FDSS attitude to every sip.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003ePerfect for iced coffee, cocktails, mocktails, or whatever emotional support beverage is keeping the day together.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Functional Dysfunctional Shit Show","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":45168772612285,"sku":null,"price":24.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0704\/5532\/8957\/files\/6933B055-7B5D-4DF6-9B5E-0C159FEDBE09.png?v=1751230092"},{"product_id":"drinking-glass-4","title":"Midnight Marble Sip Glass","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eFor when your drink deserves to look more put together than your life.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThis handmade drinking glass features a chaotic paint-pour blend of blue, black, silver, and white, sealed with epoxy resin for a glossy, one-of-a-kind finish. Classy? Yes. Slightly unhinged? Also yes.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003ePerfect for iced coffee, cocktails, water, or whatever beverage is currently helping you survive the day.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Functional Dysfunctional Shit Show","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":45168773071037,"sku":null,"price":24.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0704\/5532\/8957\/files\/8F4CBA96-81A8-4BF8-8B31-2D8FE37F0219.png?v=1751230016"},{"product_id":"drinking-glass-5","title":"Fireball Sip Show — Epoxy Sealed Drinking Glass","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThis orange, red, and yellow drinking glass came to the party looking like a sunset had a meltdown — and honestly, we support it.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eHand painted with bold chaotic color and sealed with protective epoxy resin, this one-of-a-kind glass brings serious heat to your drinkware collection. Perfect for iced coffee, cocktails, soda, tea, or whatever emotional-support beverage is getting you through the day.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eBright, bold, handmade, and just unhinged enough to belong here.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Functional Dysfunctional Shit Show","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":45168777167037,"sku":null,"price":24.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0704\/5532\/8957\/files\/ACEC79A5-6598-41B9-8151-DF42EB7746AF.png?v=1751229829"},{"product_id":"tall-drinking-glass","title":"Vertical Vibes \u0026 Questionable Choices Glass","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eNot your average glass… unless your average includes bad decisions, bold pours, and a little emotional instability.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThis \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eTall Drinking Glass\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e is built for maximum chaos capacity — whether you’re hydrating responsibly (boring) or pouring something that requires a story afterward (preferred). Each piece is \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003ehandcrafted with a one-of-a-kind finish\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e, meaning no two glasses are exactly alike… just like your coping mechanisms.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eSealed for real use, not just for looking pretty, this glass can handle your daily drinks, your weekend spirals, and everything in between.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003ePerfect for:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e• Water (if you’re pretending to be healthy)\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e• Cocktails (if you’re not)\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e• Iced coffee, soda, juice, or whatever today requires\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e• Gifting to someone who thrives in beautiful chaos\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eDetails:\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e• Handmade \u0026amp; one-of-a-kind\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e• Sealed for durability\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e• Tall design = more drink, less refills\u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e\u003cbr\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003e• FDSS approved for chaos consumption\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003e⚠️ \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cspan\u003eWarning: May increase confidence, sarcasm, and questionable decisions.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Functional Dysfunctional Shit Show","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":45168778641597,"sku":null,"price":27.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0704\/5532\/8957\/files\/123A3A1B-DD6D-4371-851C-B7D7CBCA0A7B.png?v=1751229769"},{"product_id":"2pc-set-drinking-glasses","title":"Chaos Couple Cups — 2pc Drinking Glass Set","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eA matching set of handmade drinking glasses for anyone who likes their beverages with a side of personality disorder. Each glass is individually decorated, sealed, and ready to make your drink look less boring than your life choices.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003ePerfect for iced coffee, cocktails, soda, water, or whatever emotional support beverage gets you through the day.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Functional Dysfunctional Shit Show","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":45168781525181,"sku":null,"price":43.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0704\/5532\/8957\/files\/62A0DEB8-AECD-4922-9AA5-83E50F2708F8.png?v=1751229682"},{"product_id":"drinking-glass-6","title":"#1 Glossy Sip Situation — Paint Pour Drinking Glass","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThis one-of-a-kind drinking glass is serving chaos with a glossy little attitude problem. Featuring a unique paint pour design sealed with epoxy resin, it turns your everyday drink into a whole damn table moment.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003ePerfect for sipping, showing off, or pretending your life is more together than it is.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Functional Dysfunctional Shit Show","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":45168786636989,"sku":null,"price":24.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0704\/5532\/8957\/files\/C32D6169-5550-4C29-8DAD-5C4F1F53B2CB.png?v=1751228651"},{"product_id":"large-skull-with-clock","title":"Time’s Up, Bonehead Skull Clock","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eMeet the skull that knows exactly what time your bad decisions start.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eThis large purple epoxy resin skull comes with a metal clock embedded right in its head, because apparently even chaos has a schedule. Edgy, weird, dramatic, and functional enough to pretend you have your life together.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003ePerfect for desks, shelves, spooky décor, gothic rooms, or anyone who wants their clock to look like it judges them.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eOne-of-a-kind handmade resin piece. Once it’s gone, it’s buried.\u003c\/span\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Functional Dysfunctional Shit Show","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":45170123538621,"sku":null,"price":17.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0704\/5532\/8957\/files\/79FB691F-D4A3-4C4A-B1E7-C4DC38D6BDD6.jpg?v=1750822263"},{"product_id":"large-skull","title":"Red Glitter Skull of Bad Decisions","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cspan\u003eMeet the skull that looks like it knows every secret, judged every choice, and still showed up glittered for the drama. 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